It’s no secret that pop singer Britney Spears’ life seems to be spinning considerably out of control.
Her choices in romantic companions and marital mates has been the stuff nightmares are made of, as she routinely picks men who are even more shallow and immature than she is. This is a woman who needs a man who is a real grownup and who is a star in his own right, meaning that he doesn’t need her fame to get attention for himself. She needs somebody with a stablizing influence, like megastar Leo DiCaprio.
Leo is a guy Britney cannot intimidate or control, one who is centered and intelligent, unlike the male bimbos she is accustomed to hanging out with. Being seen with him would definitely raise her stock in the entertainment community, because then she would be perceived as being more serious.
For their first date, Leo should meet Britney at a public library, which will be a novel thing for her, since it will probably be the first time she has ever been in one.. He should then read to her from a book of love sonnets by Shakespeare, although it will probably have to be from the abridged version, so that she can understand it.
From there, Leo should whisk Britney away on his private jet for an afternoon at the Guggenheim Museum
in New York City and give her a personal tour. He’ll probably be charmed by the way her eyes light up, just like a little girl’s, at discovering that there are other artists besides Thomas Kinkaid.
The evening portion of their long date should be especially memorable, as Leo rents a tux for him and presents her with an exquisite evening dress that actually goes below her knees and he, naturally, makes certain that she has the proper undergarments in place.
Leo will have purchased box seats for them at the Metropolitan Opera, where they will attend a performance of La Boheme, one of Puccini’s most romantic operas. Swept up with the grandness of the magnificent music, Britney is likely to lay her head against Leo’s sturdy shoulder by now, as he smiles and whispers softly, “Yes, honey, they’re supposed to be singing in Italian”! Things may get a bit hairy for the pair, as fellow audience members complain about Britney incessantly repeating, “But, Leo, what are they talkin’ about”?
After their night at the opera, Britney and Leo will hop into an awaiting limousine, stocked with fresh fruit
and bottled water. Though Britney will be somewhat disappointed that there are no pork rinds or Mountain
Dews on board, she will look forward to seeing what’s ahead for the final leg of their date.
DiCaprio does not disappoint, as he has the limo drop them off in front of Gascogne, a charming, trendy restaurant that specializes in French cuisine. The setting is warm and cozy and the pair are escorted to a candlelit table, where they can share some private conversation. After determining that Britney is never going to comprehend what’s listed on the menu, Leo politely removes her stress by ordering for her.
The maitre d’ discreetly cleans up the mess, after Britney’s initial “physical reaction” to being told she has just put away a bowl of snails. Things get better, though, as the couple feasts on fresh salmon, Petatou
Des Pyrenees and lots of delicious pastries. After the last bite, Ms. Spears demonstrates her appreciation for so fine a meal by letting loose a healthy belch.
Since Leo must be back on the movie set the following day, he and Brits board the private jet once more and head back to L.A. She will lay contentedly in his arms, the two of them gazing dreamily into one another’s eyes, as both wonder if this is the start of something big.