It seems these days that girls are falling more and more often for guys that don’t even treat them nicely at all. Almost extinct now are the guys that open car doors or hold doors open for women. This makes me a little sad, but I would settle for just nice guys in general. Now I know there are nice guys in the world ,but it seems that there is just something driving the women to men that have barely any redeemable traits. I’m old and married and I have a husband who treats me like a queen. Before you even think it ,yes, he is even nice to look at. I have friends who are married and friends that are single. Alarmingly I find that there seems to be this new trend of staying with a guy who treats you badly. I am not even talking about badly in a physical way, but emotionally and mentally. I have several friends who are beautiful inside and out who are told sometimes daily that they are too fat or too thin etc,etc. Almost daily there is some part of them being attacked. Some of them have been called terrible names or made to feel as if they are not worth anything. Yet, these women stand by their men. Once in a while there might be one that leaves for a month or two, but once the guy apologizes she lets him right back in and the cycle begins again?
What Is Going On
I have to wonder what they are staying for. Why would you want to be with a jerk? No matter what you say this takes a toll on your self esteem. There is no way around it. You can’t be told on a regular basis that you are less than what he thinks you should be without it taking a toll on you. I am even amazed that half the time these guys don’t have any redeemable qualities themselves. Yet, they seem to think that they have a right to impose their thoughts and desires onto another person. What is going on? Do these girls stay because they think they wont find anyone else as good? Are they at a point in their lives where they just think they can’t do any better? Surely they can’t plan on taking that kind of treatment for the rest of their lives. Maybe there is no thought to the rest of their lives. They think well I can handle this for now and when I get tired of it I’ll just walk away. Yet, it seems like the longer they stay with this person the more they almost come to depend on his negative comments. Once I even had someone tell me, ” Girls like jerks. If you are nice to them they don’t stick around.” At first I thought he must be joking ,but the more I see the more I realize that it is true. I just can’t figure out why this would be.
The Brassier Ones Seem To Be The Worse Ones
I am a pretty laid back person. I don’t get upset about much. A person who doesn’t know me that well might even think I was the poster child for getting run over by a person. Truthfully, some of my friends might be able to get away with it for a short while. But, I can not for the life of me imagine having my husband or anyone I was ever involved with talk down to me or put me down. My husband and I truly have a partnership and work well together. This doesn’t mean that we don’t ever get annoyed with each other and get sharp. We do!! But, we have never put each other down personally. What surprises me is that the girls that seem to be the most outspoken most brassy girls are the worse about letting guys run over the top of them. Two of my friends jump right to the top of my thoughts. They are the kind of girls who will tell you exactly what they think, what they like and don’t like and yet their men are down right jerks. It shocks me every time. I think if I talked to them that way I would probably get dismembered yet because it’s their man some how it becomes ok..
The General Publics View
I have talked to several of my friends, both men and women, to gain insight on this topic. Here are my findings thus far…
~Women are fascinated with a bad boy persona (at least for a while) and being a jerk fits into this persona.
~It is a comfort zone. You know at the end of the night there is a warm body to go home to. After you’ve put up with them for a while they become like an old pair of socks. They rub you raw but you hate to part with them.
~Loneliness and fear of being alone
~Women grow up with a fairytale idea of romance.If the first few guys they meet are not like that dream then they start to think there aren’t any nice romantic guys out there.Then they put up with what they have thinking there isn’t anything better out there. This is especially true if there is no father figure to demonstrate how a women should be treated.
~Even in todays society women want a man who is dominant. They like a guy to tell them how it is.
~The women is not into commitment and knows this guy isn’t either so it works well for both of them, although often times the woman ends up wanting commitment from that man later.
~Its an easy form of rebellion.(the bad boy thing again)
~For a lot of women it is the challenge of changing or fixing him that draws her to a jerk.
I thought this was a pretty wide range of answers, yet all of them have a degree of truth to them. For me,as a woman, the one that stood out the most was the fairy tale answer. It seems true we have far to few examples of what we should expect and how we should be treated. If we don’t have a role model and our first few experiences are not good ones how do we know how we should be treated? I would love to have other feed back on this topic as I am sure these are not the only opinions out there. Please read this article and post your comments accordingly.