Like much of our consumer oriented society, the process of finding a girl ends up being reduced to some kind of market function. We go to nightclubs, and bars hoping that we can pay enough in terms of drinks and personality to buy a womans time. We take girls out for expensive dinners, or buy them pretty gifts, all in the effort to essentially pay for her company. For many guys this is simply the only way they know how to “get chicks”. Some even go farther by believing that through full monetary support they can keep a woman in their lives. Unfortunately many women play into this themselves by using men who buy them things, leading them on in hopes of maintaining the favorable position they have with him and his wallet. If not for the subtle attributes of courtship and intimacy that go with these interactions I might be tempted to call it prostitution.
Its not that men don’t need to step up and provide for certain financial needs, especially when it comes to a long term relationship and a family. Its rather that they need to see that buying a woman’s company puts both of them in a bad position. The woman can never truly respect the man, because her love is a result of what he provides her materially, not the emotional, physical, and spiritual connection they both have. The man on the other hand sees his girl as merely a pretty object he buys and gives him pleasure. Its only a matter of time before he needs to go out and get a new girl, like a new cell phone, or a new car. And that is of course if he really gets anywhere with one in the first place.
For the most part the kind of supplicative “let me buy you a drink” talk doesn’t really go over well with strong, beautiful women. They’ll just see that as weakness, or if they lack integrity they will exploit it. All without feeling the kind of attraction necessary to form a real bond. The thing we men miss sometimes is that the true catalyst for attraction for women comes not from external considerations like dress, money, or even physical appearance, but rather from intangible internal feelings.
The way you carry yourself, the confidence you project, and in the end the amount of mystery and romance you show, form a much stronger attraction in a girl than any material good you might give her. Men can sometimes make a conscious choice to care for a woman, on the basis of certain characteristics he can rationally judge to be desirable. For a woman this type of reasoning is artificial, and never leaves her satisfied. She needs to feel by some force of personality that you are the type of man she wants to give herself to.
To do this you play with her, in an innocent and fun way, not vulgar. You tease, and tempt, while always leading the course of your experiences with her. You push forward, and pull back, not with petty games, but with charm and wit. Then when the time comes, and some real connection manifests itself, you show her the inside of your heart, the things about you that make you really worth it.
Of course you better have something inside to reveal, its not about trying to be some “sensitive” guy, or fitting into the image Cosmo provides. Its about being a man who is more than a cookie cutter caricature of a magazine ad. Sounds complicated right? Well no one ever said human relationships were simple, and I’m really sure no one ever said women were simple and easy. If they were, well they wouldn’t be the amazingly interesting, provocative, beautiful, caring, and unpredictable company we love.
So go out there, talk to them, try in vain to figure them out, definitely love them are protect them, but never, ever, try and buy their affection.