One of my best friends lives in the Midwest and she and I talk a couple of times a week. We were discussing her latest intimate partner when she made a comment that blew my mind. She was discussing his lovemaking skills when suddenly she said, “it doesn’t matter because I have found for me that’s not really the most important part. At least that’s what my body tells me because I’ve never had an orgasm in my life. ” Whoah! Lean back. She also said she thought she was losing her sex drive. I told her to tell her doctor. It could be she has a hormone issue. I can’t believe she would ignore that. Hello, that’s a signal the body is off key. Why deprive yourself of what is natural in life and in being a normal, healthy, woman? Someone please help me to understand this.
Now this is a beautiful, talented and intelligent woman in her late thirties who has been married before, has had other serious relationships and is considering marrying again. Once I caught my breath, I had to confirm what she said. Again she reiterated never. She said she never knew what an orgasm felt like. I assured her she would know, and might even learn to sing during said experience.
So my question to her was, “okay so what’s the plan?” I mean to miss out on an experience such as this is a deal breaker. I asked if she had talked to her doctor about her dilemma and she said she had not. She also said there was no technique to date that had allowed her to even be introduced to the big “O.” I told my girl she was just broken. Seriously being a woman is a wonderful thing. We should embrace womanhood, so why miss out on such a sensuous, stress relieving, and incredibly intimate experience?
I’ve got to tell you, I am perplexed because I would have been kicking the doctor’s door down. The conversation would have gone as such: “Hey look Doc. I’m broken. I’m going to need you to fix me, so do what you got to do, but you have got to fix me pronto!” Everyone wants to experience bliss, why miss out? And on a different note, I could envision in my head the scenario of being in her position only, my version is this: Okay, I am with my lover, the door nailed shut, standing in front of the door, feet firmly planted, arms crossed, telling my lover; “Know this Dude, ain’t nobody going no where because, It ain’t over until it’s over.” And you know, it makes me wonder, I don’t know if she has had selfish or just unskilled lovers, but that too could be the problem. It is something to consider, after all someone has to know what they’re doing. It could be she’s not the problem, though she admits she does not know how to satisfy herself. Again I say talk to the doctor.
After we ended our conversation, and being the over analytical person that I am, I did some research. But I’ve got to tell you plain and simple, my first thoughts were, either you haven’t been with the right man, or you don’t know your own body, either way it’s a deadly combination for failure in the area of satisfying sex and reaching orgasm. When two come together in this arena, everyone is supposed to walk away happy and skipping. Based on what my girl is telling me, right now she’s missing out. So most of the research I found pretty much said the same thing. For someone with this challenge they are either not aroused enough, not concentrating enough, or they aren’t receiving proper stimulation. Ultimately the onus of learning what makes your body tick, and respond to stimuli is up to you. This may require some experimentation with you and your partner. Do what you need to do but don’t give up.
One article I read said the possibility exists that for some women the inability to experience orgasm is attributed to genes. This I found interesting, as well as scary. This is a concept I have never entertained. Even though we’re all grown and think we know it all, I suppose there is always something out there to learn, even about sex. Again, I am amazed my friend has gone this long, and may continue to go on as a woman without experiencing the fulfillment and ecstasy of orgasm. It didn’t seem to be a big deal to her. So, I guess if she likes it, I should love it, but what a waste. She is missing out on something wonderful. I suggested she speak to her doctor and if that doesn’t work to go see a therapist.
Where I wish her well and hope she gets resolve quickly, I can’t relate to her problem. What I will say is, it may be she just hasn’t met the one with the skill that can make her howl to the moon and skip like a sprite afterwards. But I don’t think she should keep waiting. Life is too short and there is no reason for her to continuously come out on the short end of the stick. No pun intended, seriously.