I have a theory, as other people just might, on how to get closer and closer to world peace. Cater the world to the kids. That’s one that no one has thought to try. But, it just might work.
It beats the big brain child those guys in Washington came up with in a report to Bush. Remember when it read, get out, start backing off or put more troops in Iraq. What else was there? I mean, I could have come up with that in about five minutes.
“Mr. Allen, what do you think we ought to do about the war in Iraq?”
Scratching my head, “Well, let me see…we could put more troops in there just to finish the job and show the world that we can. But, we really should be getting out of there. We just can’t pull our guys out in one flail swoop at the drop of a dime though. We need to gradually pull them out as we give the Iraqi troops confidence in themselves to maintain security.”
“Wow! Let me write that down. Hold on…Mr. President? Mr. President?” Leaving the room.
“Wait a minute! I was just thinking out loud. I’m not really finished…ah hell with it.”
New York Headlines: A Bush Advisor Has Answer
Washington, D.C. (AP) – An advisor of the Bush administration put together a report that President Bush will be considering today when he meets with his cabinet for lunch to discuss the situation in Iraq. The report details our options of dealing with the sensitive volatility of the civil war erupting in Baghdad and the surrounding regions. We can either send in more troops, pull ours out over time or pull them out now…
But see, if the Iraqi focus group had come up with that answer in the same five minutes, it wouldn’t have been taken seriously. So, the guys had to eat a great deal of lunches at the Starfish Cafe. They had to collect big, wide paychecks for about six months to suffice making it look like a great amount of effort went into deciding that we need to either send more in, get out slowly or get out tomorrow. How many government pens did they steal…uh, acquire?
Back to my theory, if we catered the whole world to focus on our kids, we would pull ourselves out of this slump. Think about it! It will work. When we make our kids happy, we make ourselves happy. But, not only that. In order for us to cater this world to our kids, we would have to start thinking like them.
Our biggest problem would be who gets the crayons.
A fight between two kids starts with both of them turning their backs, crossing their arms and pushing out their bottom lip. A stomp on the ground with one foot will come out of the more aggressive ones. The fight ends with, “I’m sorry” and “It’s ok.”
Don’t act like I live in some dream world. I’ve seen how my daughter and her friends act. They’re never enemies forever. They’re never enemies at all. They have their problems and they never last longer than about 10 minutes.
First, we would have to change all the television programming. Most of the shows would be cartoons. The news would have to be about who got good grades in school, what dances are coming up and the play of the week for the athletes. Cooking shows would have to be about how many different peanut butter and jelly sandwiches can be made. Talk shows would have to be about, “If your best friend told all your friends that you were caught holding hands with someone at the mall, call 1-800-96 BARNEY.” I know we hate Barney. But, that’s the point. The kids love him. Something about a fat, purple dinosaur.
That reminds me of this guy I used to work with this one time. He had a beer gut and one day he wore a purple shirt to work. Someone busted out with calling him Barney and it stuck. Uh, anyway…
Catering the world to the kids would be fun for all of us. Tear down the whitehouse and put in an amusement park. Cabinet meetings at the ice cream stand. Man, look at all the decisions we could make then. Our bombs would burst in confetti. A summit would start with exchanging clothes and end in a pillow fight. What a world it could be!
I know that we create most of these problems ourselves. Our leaders create problems to justify their existence. If we didn’t have any problems, there would be no decisions for them to make, no press conferences for them to hold, no secret meetings for them to call, no more prestige and no more need. Anyone who follows Bill Gates would know, sometimes you have to create people’s need for you. I understand these things.
But, what a world it would be if all our problems could be solved with a kiss on a scuffed knee and an ice cream cone.
My Little Daughter’s Chocolate Fingerprints